If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
