My first STD was from a foam party
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
