You're my little dorito
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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