You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
