I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
