I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
