I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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