I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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