so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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