I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
