new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
