At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
