I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's blow job season.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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