Porn is love you can see.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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