Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
