Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
