so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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