I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
