I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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