his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
