What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
