the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
