Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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