I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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