i jhust puked up my retainher.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
