I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So much rum. So many feels.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
