I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he fucked my hip out of place.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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