i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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