My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
