life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you win again, gameday.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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