is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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