How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
