You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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