i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
