The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
