I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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