my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
