I cannot find my penis.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize