I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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