U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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