Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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