i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
