i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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