I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
