this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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