Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
