OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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