the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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