I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
