i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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