dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So many bounce houses so little time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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