the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
