I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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