he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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