I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
