he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
