Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
