I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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