Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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