Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
