Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
