this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
