I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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