weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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