I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Boobs speak an international language.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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