sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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