party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
