so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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