He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
