We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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